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Who said drinking and driving is fine?

Well, the cops in Mumbai. They said, drinking and driving is ‘Fine for 2000 rupees’. Or thereabouts.

After you pay the Fine, you are given your car keys back and then you can drive home in the same inebriated state you were in when caught.

So the numbers came out after a while. Some Rs.67 lakhs had been collected in Fines.

Yay!

The press said Great move. Welcome change. Kudos to Cops. This was long required. Good to see some real kick-ass action by the cops. This will teach drivers like Periera and  Salman, to not push their luck and the luck of other people on the roads.

Now we are Indians. We love being praised and being positively stroked. And when it comes, and the coming is good, bring it on baby, we say.

So they changed the rules. Drinking and driving is Fine. And jail.

So after you pay the Fine, you are given your car keys back and then you can drive home in the same inebriated state you were in when caught. Then you come back next day to the court and allow yourself to be jailed.

The numbers came out after a while. Several people were behind bars for exhaling disagreeable chemicals into a pipe.

Yay!

The press said Great move. Welcome …. Kudos to …. This was …… Good to see some ….. This will teach drivers like Periera, Salman, Tanuja, to not push their luck, and the luck of other people on the roads.

Indians. So we aren’t quite satisfied yet. We want to push it a little more. Milk it a little more when the going is good.

So new rules. Talking on the cell phone is ‘Fine.’

So you say, “hold please, I have a cops head poking inside my car…” then you pay the Fine and you are on your way. “sorry I had to put you on hold. It was just another cop on a mission to improve the numbers”

Predictably, the numbers come out in a few days. Several people were fined for talking on mobile phones while driving.

Yay!

The press said Great move. Welcome change. This will teach drivers like Sridhar, Suresh, Kapil, Priya, Kamal, Amit, paul,  amar, Akbar, Antony, Ram, Robert, Rahim, Hema, Rekha, Jaya, shushma,  to not push their luck, and the luck of other people on the roads.

And we are Still Indians. Give us more baby.

So change in rule. Talking on the cell phone while driving is ‘Fine’. And Jail.

So now you have cops, stopping cars, peering inside your car to see if you are talking on the phone. They are going to feel your ear if it is warm, check your phone to see the last call time. A press release is scheduled 3 days from now and it’s terribly important to have shock-and-awe effecting numbers.

Numbers come out. People are jailed.

Yay! Yawn.

The press said hmmm, well, its an ok move. This will put some discipline on drivers. This will no doubt teach drivers like Sridhar, Suresh, Kapil, Priya, Kamal, Amit, paul, Nirma, amar, Akbar, Antony, Ram, Robert, Rahim, Hema……… Rekha……….Jaya aur shushma,  to not push their luck, and the luck of other people on the roads. Good work, but….ummm…

Black hair. Black eyes. Brown skin. Brown uniform. No change. We are still Indian. More please.

Internal meeting. Head scratching. Hair graying. Hair falling. Anxiety building. Press meet coming. No new ideas. Scratch scratch.

Ting! Bulb glowing.

No smoking in car or bike. Good idea. It is a socially frowned upon habit. Its anti-indian culture. It is a good next step.

Next we can think of banning all activities that can distract the driver. No talking to mother in law while driving even if she is in the car. No fighting with wife, which essentially would bring a halt to any conversation between man and wife in a car. No singing. No music. No eating. No drinking water. No scratching. No thinking. No sneezing. No blinking.

Soon, when a cop stops your car, he will first see if you sneezed or blinked. Check your phone records to see if you have made or received a call in the recent past that you were driving. You will be asked how much time you have been on the road. A narco test will be performed to check if you are lying. A doc will check your blood pressure. A psychologist will ask you questions. About your childhood. About your relationship with your father. About your boss. A background check company will cross check all credentials.

Then you will be asked to step out to a mobile medical unit by the roadside. Blood samples will be taken. ECG and stress test will be done. Chemical analysis are done on blood and urine samples.

After 2 days, they might find you haven’t broken any rule. You are free. You may go.

And you pull out, and drive home.

But the probability is high that as one of the drivers in a car that pulls out and drives away sees on the rear view mirror a cop running behind shouting, “Hey we didn’t see your license! And we forgot to check if you are drunk! And Hey! that’s a stolen car!!! HEYYY!!! I can see hand grenades in your back of your car!! Stop! Stop!” Phreeeeep! Phreeeep!!!

So here is an appeal to all the people here , here and here. And those who have been missed out.

If there is evidence that your sense of irresponsibility can affect other people in the community, prepare to be micro-managed. On the other hand, if there is evidence that you can be a conscientious citizen, you will be given more freedom than you can ask for.  More than you can imagine.

Please follow rules. Set a few of your own. Live a life of principles. It will make you a richer, more full human.

And of course, it gives the cops time do what is more important for us. 

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