She went to the temple today. She folded her hands and prayed. Her eyes were closed for 11 minutes and 48 seconds. She dropped 30 Rs.5 coins in the hundi. Touched the bronze plate with her elegantly painted finger tips.

She smiled at the security. She scratched her left eyebrow once. That stupid fly. It had no clue the landing strip it chose was in fact, actually the eyebrow of Shetty,Shilpa, The. It sat right over her left eyebrow and troubled the poor delicate skin it sat on.

Those long bow shaped eyebrows that stretch across the forehead all the way to the temple twitched for an instant. The temple, you might have guessed, that is on either side of her forehead. Not the one she was in. The ones that throbbed when a racist tongue waggled at her. Not the one in Prabhadevi. Not Siddhivinayak. But when one throbbed, the other beckoned.

Ah but Shilpa Shettys eyebrows are as exciting as her visit to the temple. I can’t live a moment not knowing whether she went to Siddhivinayak or not. Times of India said today, “Shilpa Shetty with Bigger Brother”. On the cover page. Right at the Top. Right there In your just-out-of-the-bed face. That’s the news I want to see in the morning. It makes my life meaningful. It gives me a feeling of being informed and ‘clued in’. That’s the kind of news we need to create happy, informed, well read, successful, cheerful citizens who contribute to the society and make this a better, bigger nation. You think I am being sarcastic don’t you? Well, bless you. I am. I swear I am.

Because I’m riveted to news like that. It makes my day. My life as a matter of fact. How can I even imagine one breath in day without news like that? Why do I pay Rs.5, (inclusive of complimentary copy of Mumbai Mirror worth Rs.2), if I don’t get to know about Shilpas visits to the temple, masseuse, that NGO that takes care of the down trodden?

Why do you think we have been served with fifty million words on what happened to her over the last few weeks?

I think the newspapers and the media think we are interested. Maybe you are. You are aren’t you?

Well I hope you are. I certainly am not. But I hope you are.

I rather like the idea that I am being stupid and indifferent and cynical and lead a bored lonely life not caring a hoot or two about such hugely significantly consequential world news. I am too old and disconnected. If no man is an island, it proves that I am not a man, for I certainly seem to be an island. I just don’t like that sort of news. It’s BORING. I just can’t be bothered.

But I hope you are, because if you are not, and if you feel the same way about it as I do, then something is very, very wrong with our world today.

To be fair, I have no clue what happened there. None at all. I am aware Jade said something wrong. As far as I am concerned, what was said was said because a mind came up with a thought that made a tongue move. The mind was wrong, the thought was wrong and maybe the tongue was wrong too. I don’t care. It’s that mind that needs to worry and debate and deliberate and correct itself. Not me. I don’t have to spend a moment more on it than it takes for me to hear it. Granted it certainly is not nice to hear it. Certainly is not nice to have people racially slurring along their daily lives. But I won’t be affected if someone has a tongue that slurs racially. Even if it slurred at me.

I can say “6 million years ago, a lunatic distractedly built a small sand hill on the river bed. Because of some plutonic activity the hill grew and grew and now has become the Himalayas. The hill sucked, and so now the Himalayas suck too”.

Do you feel sad for the Himalayas? Or should you feel sad for me? Will the nation like the Himalayas more for my slur?? Will Tony Blair and his gang meet the Himalayas and fall all over it? Will the Queen meet the mountain?

Oh well. I hope I am clueless. I hope I am warped. Cuz if you feel the same way I do, then we are subjected to agony in our lives that we really don’t need. And something is very, very wrong.

But well, the Himalayas are nice and so is Shilpa. I have no comment on her to make. I am just a little troubled the way we all reacted. Oh but that’s how it looks from my island. Do what you like in yours.

And the fly isn’t to blame. But hey, let’s not allow our affections towards Shilpa undermine the fly. This fly lives at Siddhivinayak. It lives everywhere. And has perched on countless people. An endless list of celebs, common everyday people like you and me, thugs, underworld people, politicians, Abhishek Bachhan, Ash, Anuradha paduval, Sachin Tendulkar, and the panwala down your road. That’s really a long list if you have any idea.

Oh what fun to buzz around and sit on the eyebrows, head, hair, nose, ears, and many exciting places on several celebs.

Ok, the fly just followed the forehead out.

Later she bought a new lamp shade. And a new bamboo floor mat to do yoga on. She sneezed twice in the last 3 days and a little speck of dust went into her left eye. I can’t wait for the papers tomorrow.The fly. A Makki. Makki? koun si makki? kiss Makki? Oh Mika. Kiss Mika!? Oh well, thats another story altogether. Some other time.

The Fly. Sigh. Look closely – it’s really a bug.

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