Touching People

After years of indulging in this hobby, I am hitting the 100th post only now. With this one you are reading. A nice landmark for sure. As I look back at all the poop thats gotten on to these pages, I can’t help but reflect what a journey it has been.

I’ve had a lot of fun. And it looks like many of you have had fun too. And if statistics can be believed, the total number of visits is over 15 thousand. Which may sound like a big number, but it really is not – considering that I’ve been at this for several years, have not been consistent, or even good in qualitative terms.

But it can’t be denied, however humble I try to sound, that this site has become popular as hell. It has reached a point where people visit these pages for almost any reason one can think of. So I pulled out google search terms that have led some stray visitors to Pathe what I found is incredibly insightful.

For example. Someone visited Pathe because he was looking for ways to implicate his wife because she scratched his car with keys. Here is the search term he used to get to Pathe:

+wife +car +keys +scratch

Maybe he wanted to find ways to scratch his wife with his car keys. Or scratch his wife with his car, but couldn’t find the keys. Maybe his wife scratched his face and he was looking for her car keys. I can’t be sure which it was. But I was able to touch his life. Be a part of his moment of anxious search for an answer.

Did I make a difference to him? My gut feel, is a resounding no. Because his search let him to one of the most dreadful posts I have written. I probably put him in more trauma than he was in to start with.

Another example of a couple of strange searches  -

bare chest football

bare chested men

Can’t imagine the man’s (or woman’s) disappointment when it led him to this post.

Another disappointment I dished out to a hopeful reader looking for “kerala kutties in saris” was when he was let down from lofty search objectives by a Pathe post.

Who wanted to analyze “management lessons from malgudi days” I don’t know, but came to Pathe to find out.

Well, I am sure you have a rough idea what a big responsibility it is to keep the world a happy, smiling, laughing place. My shoulders are here to bear all that responsibility and I am not complaining.

Please continue to search random things and do visit regularly with family and friends.

Suresh Kalmadi has what?

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Here is what really happened.

This situation is at the courtroom. Because of some unexplained cinematic mystery, this opening is in slow-motion even though you are only reading it on your favourite blog.

A glint catches your eye. Your view zooms to the shine from the rounded, polished head of a wooden hammer at the far end of the room which has been rising steadily and is about to experience swift, yet dramatic change in the direction of vector forces acting on it. To a casual observer, it is what it seems – a wooden hammer. The trained eye will see a seamless union of two organic products – that of dead life and live flesh. The trained eye sees not just a hammer, but a natural extension to muscle and flesh on the the hand of the judge – a fitting extension to the arm of law, if you like me to put it that way. 

While we were being a tad too indulgent in the last few moments, the hammer has reached the highest point in its motion and is about to swoop down (in slow-motion, may I remind you) and rap the wooden receptacle.

There is perfect silence. An alert ear could have heard a snigger from two thousand one hundred and seventy seven Kilometers. Yes, Mani Shankar Iyer had to be in Chennai that day.

Well tempered muscles on the Judge’s right Infraspinatus, biceps and Extensor carpi radialis longus act in perfectly executed symphony (an utterly slow rendition)

More Silence, if that was ever possible, ensued.

Suddenly a muffled noise made it’s way out of a thicket. It was Kalmadi trying to utter some words in desperation.

Kalmadi: Everybody, I have Dementia.

The hammer screeched mid-air. Aforementioned muscles on the aging arm of the law went into a frenzied state owing to such unprecedented mid-flight braking.

What?? Asked the mouth attached to the same body the arm was. The same arm, in fact, to which the hammer was attached to.

Kalmadi: What do you mean what?

Judge: What did you just say?

Kalmadi: Me? What did I just say? Who are you? (does a joyful spin in his chair guffawing loudly)

Judge: Ok. Let me proceed then.

Arm rises again. And along with it, the hammer.

Kalmadi: Wait!

Hammer screeches to a halt mid-air again. Muscles terse and expectant for future instruction.

Judge: OK, what?

Kalmadi: Your honour, I remember. I have Dementia.

Judge: WTF?

Kalmadi: Yes, that’s right. And in case you didn’t know, and in the interest of the audience and the press in this court,  Dementia is “A chronic or persistent disorder of the mental processes caused by brain disease or injury and marked by memory disorders, personality changes, and impaired reasoning” If you don’t believe me, go look up Page 1783, 8th paragraph in Gray’s Anatomy. 17th edition. Other editions may have different page numbering, so don’t forget that while you are cross checking on me. I read this right after I had tea and biscuits with the Warden at Tihar.

Hammer hovers mid-air, terse muscles still waiting for a suitable command to find a closure to the several aborted initiatives.

Judge: What do you think of yourself? Are you out of your mind?

Kalmadi: No. Certainly not. Wait. Yes, I am out of my mind. Dementia. I just told you. Did you forget?

Judge: Oh I see. I remember. And if you do too, We have nothing further to discuss.

Muscles erupt in cooperation, Hammer rises yet again.

Kalmadi: Hello. Wait. Ask my doctor.

Muscles and hammer look at each other and roll eyes.

Doc: Err.. Yes.
Doc: (Muttering to Kalmadi): When will you pay me the bribe for this lie??

Kalmadi: What!? What fees? I paid you just yesterday, all old notes, in non-sequential numbers!
Doc: No. You are confused. You have Dementia. Remember? And if I don’t get 5 times what you promised, you will forget to smile, my friend.

Kalmadi: Grr. Aaargh

Runs about court lividly. Grabs hammer from judge and slams it on his own forehead repeatedly. Tiny multicoloured birds appear, flying out of Kalmadi’s head and circle around the head briefly. Lot of chirping before they eventually disperse and disappear.

Judge: You are disrespecting the court.

Kalmadi: Court? Where is the net I say?

Judge: Look here, I will hold you in contempt.

Kalmadi: Don’t you dare touch me. And I am never going to Contempt. Lets see how you hold me then! Where in the world is Contempt anyway? Is it the capital of Rome?

Judge: Court Adjourned till prying media investigates something more substantial.

Hammer finally slams.

Doc winks at Judge. Judge winks at doc. Judge pulls out a calculator and punches some numbers greedily.

Fade out.

MadMen for the Emmys!

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The incredible MadMen series had me so very hooked that i watched every episode available (thats four full seasons) in less than two weeks, thereby running up a big bill for my piercingly narrow broadband connection.

And, considering the breadth of the broadband, it took me over an hour and a half to view each episode of about 50 min.

Last week I came across this article in USA Today weekend magazine and somehow it had little news value for me.

MadMen for the awards? But of course. Yawn. Lets have some real news now. ;)

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